"Stay with me, lets just breathe..."

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. More than I like too but not enough to feel at peace. I listened to your voice, I saw a rainbow, and realized that the 19th marks the spot. Sometimes you follow me without me knowing until I realize your the reason I cant breathe......

"Yes I understand that every life must end,
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go,
I'm a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love...

Some folks just have one,
Others they got none,
Stay with me...
Lets just breathe.

Practiced are my sins,
Never gonna let me win,
Under everything, just another human being,
Yeah, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
to make me bleed.

Stay with me...
You're all I see.

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool, you see...
No one knows this more than me,
As I come clean.

I wonder everyday
As I look upon your face,
Everything you gave
And nothing you would say (save?)(take),
Nothing you would take...
Everything you gave.

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool, you see
No one knows this more than me...
like I come clean.

Nothing you would take...
Everything you gave.
Hold me till I die..."
Meet you on the other side.

Brush Your Shoulders Off!

On numerous occasions I've heard people say that when you enter your 30's you be come more secure with who you are as a person and become better at setting boundaries in your life. For the past three months, I've grown more then I have since I've lived in Utah. I got rid of one major negative force, and everything else has fallen into place. I have learned that I have no tolerance for drama and negativity. Some people who have been my friends for the past few years, are no longer my friends. I pick and choose my battles more wisely. I let things roll off my back more easily. I understand and have accepted that it's okay to let go of the things you can't control and that not everything will work out the way you expect. I feel more empowered then I have in years. I feel free, happy, and see things in a brighter light. I appreciate people who are stable, positive, and who can make me laugh and who let "my good" become "my great."

Thoughts For Today

Books, Bargains, and More....

Today Bry and I were driving out to Fashion Place Mall when I saw that Border's Bookstore was closing their store and having a 40% - 50% discount sale. I squealed with joy and pulled into the parking lot. I am a book junky and have been reading as early as I can remember. I started collecting books when I was about four years old and would memorize the words page by page and create new stories for the characters in the book, recreating my own story. By kindergarten I was full speed ahead and reading fluently .


One of my favorite things to do is to go to Barnes and Noble and spend hours browsing through different books. I like everything from trashy Chelsea Handler reads, to cookbooks, to fiction, to autobiographies, and those nutty self help psychological books.


I have books at my home in New York shoved into hallway closets, bins under my bed, and shelves in the bathroom. I have a few tubs filled with books in my current basement, and I continue to buy and read more.


My issue with books is that I think they have feelings. Today I was feeling bad for the books that were still on the shelves waiting for someone to buy them and appreciate them. I feel bad if I don't finish a book because I think it's feelings will be hurt. I fall in love with the characters of novels and find myself thinking of them throughout the day and missing them when the book is finished. (There is one book I haven't finished reading - "Eat, Pray, and Love." I tried and tried to get through this book but couldn't stand the main character and her whiny disposition. I even tried to watch the movie, which by the way, I never watch a movie before reading a book, and I couldn't even get through the movie).


Today I could have spent HOURS in Borders but with limited time, and other things to do, I had to browse quickly. I had a huge stack of books in my hands and kept justifying my adoption of these books by their 50% discount. I ended up purchasing five books today for a total of about $85.00.

One book that I purchased today is "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man," by Steve Harvey. I started reading this book out loud to Bryant in the car as we ran from errand to errand and even over dinner, asking him "Is this true? What would you say, think, and feel?" automatically violating the book. According to Steve Men are SIMPLE. One of my main draws to "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man," is that I have a few single friends that are dating and meeting guys, and friends going through serious breakups. And myself, who has once been there. I have also been intrigued by the processes of the opposite sex, and now I have it all written out for me. From THE MAN, himself. A book I've read before which is similar to this is "He's Just Not That Into You." A movie was made about this book and I didn't care too much for it, but then again, I rarely, I care for movies made from books, especially well written ones.

I have read TONS of books, but a few books that stand out in my mind are "The Kite Runner" and "A Thousand Splendid Suns," by Khaled Hosseni. I so bad wanted these to books to be real. For the longest time I refused to watch "The Kite Runner" when it came out on video but caved when I heard raving reviews from friends. I HATED it. The movie left out several major parts that the book portrayed. The depth of the movie was certainly not what your imagination was allowed to explore by reading the book. Other books that I really enjoyed were "Something Borrowed" and "Something Blue" by Emily Giffin. I also enjoyed "A Million LittlePieces" by James Frey but automatically disliked it after I found out that James Frey lied in the book to make it more "sell able to the public." Oprah had him on her show twice. Once to talk about how great the book was, the commend him on his experience and courage to write about it. Then again, to call him out on his bullshit. I couldn't believe how fast I had fallen in love with James Frey to find out that the fish he caught was inches bigger than the original fish that was caught. I read several Mark Twain books in College because Mark Twain wrote his books in a study located on the college campus that I attended.

Most of the books I read, I find out about through other avid readers. I have my geeky book junky friends that I will call when I am in need of a good escape. Several of my colleagues are also big readers, and you have to love the Oprah Book Club. I should join a book club - maybe a new hobby to explore???

And please, if you have anything good to recommend, do so. And if you ever need to borrow a book or a good recommend, I may have something up my sleeve.

A Scar Has Been Born....

I am quickly coming up on the age of thirty. Lately, I have started to realize and see how the aging process is surely, but slowly, happening to me. I am noticing things that actually matter. One being that I have little lines around my eyes, I'm over weight, I can't see as well as I used to without the help of contacts, and I have these "interesting" looking moles on places of my body.



Being thirty years old you all the sudden realize that you aren't as young as you once were and that you don't have all the time in the world to fix these things that are happening to your body. Suddenly you start to care about your health and preserving you youth for as long as possible.



Recenlty, I've started to diet - A word I hate. I have never had to diet but here I am watching, monitoring, and constantly fighting with myself about what I should and should not eat. On top of that I am trying like the gym again. There was a time, back in my naturally skinny, atheletic years, where going to the gym was fun, and eating italian food and sweets before bed, didn't matter. There actually was a time when a size 4 jean was too big and my ass was so small that I was called pancake ass. This was not too long ago. But now here I am, looking a little heavy, and where I simply, just don't feel as good. Now going to the gym is a chore, because I have to. For the first time in my life, I bought a scale. A dreaded scale that seems to be my enemy then my friend.



Squinting had also become a fine habit on mine. People used to comment on how I looked like I was glaring. Low and behold, I was not glaring, I was walking around 24/7 squinting because I could not see more than 100 feet in front of me. It would take me seconds longer to recognize people because I had to zoom in on their faces. So here we have it, because of squinting I now have these fine lines around my eyes and now I want Botox.



Moles. This word is weird. MOLE. MOLE. MOLE. I was at the doctors office a few weeks ago and while I was there I decided that I would show him these moles that have been concerning to me. I decided it was time to bite the bullet and just face it. And here you have it, a two inch scar on the back of my calf from having pre-cancerous cells removed because of this mole that has been following me around for the past 29 years. Damn you mole!



The interesting thing about myself and this damn mole, is the fact that I am not fair skinned. I do not burn easy and have a naturally olive skin. I'm pretty sure this mole got all moley on me because of tanning. I'm not an obsessive tanner, but I will confess that I like tanning. I like that fifteen minutes of relaxation in a nice warm place, after a busy day. I also like the way it makes me look. When I'm tan, I feel good. And you know what they say, brown fat looks better than white fat :)



Moving forward, I have to stay out of the tanning beds, use more sun screen, stop eating carbs and eat more vegetables, and get used to putting contacts in every morning. Now that I'm shy of thirty, I actually care and I understand that your youth is not forever. On the flip side, I am lucky to have an olive tone to my skin, to have nice skin that is acne free and that allows me to be mostly make-up free, to have almost straight teeth that have never needed braces, and a muscler frame that shows once I shed that "baby fat" that loves me so much :) So with the bad, there is a lot of good in which I am grateful for.

You can never pass up a good Italian Restaurant

A few weekends ago I had the opportunity to frequent this wonderful Italian Restaurant in Salt Lake called Rino's Italian Restaurant. When I first moved to Utah the one thing I noticed was the lack of family owned, hole in the wall, Italian Restaurants. Coming from Upstate NY you are surrounded by these types of places to eat and of course, the Italians themselves.

One of the first Italian Restaurants that I had been to was Cucina Toscuna. This place was also wonderful, but is considered more "fine dining." Later, I also was introduced to Lugano's, sat on their patio in the early fall, and was highly impressed. I've also tried The Tin Angle and Al Forno's.

Rino's sits in a tuscan home and Italian is what you get from the moment you walk in the door. As we were seated and I looked around at the other people who were eating at Rino's, I noticed they were all older. And by older, I mean between the ages of 50 to 80 years old. One thing that strikes me about this, is that you know these people have been coming to Rino's for years and are well known by the owner. AAAAHHH the owner, Mr. Rino himself who spoke mostly Italian when he visited my table. Not only did he take the time to ask me if everything was alright, but he also recommended some of his favorite dishes, served our food, and spent about 10 minutes speaking to me in Italian and asking me about my background. I fell in LOVE at that very moment! Another fellow Italian that reminded me how bad my Italian is and yet made me feel eager to brush up. More importantly, Mr. Rino showed that he cared about his customers and his presence in the restaurant made me feel at home. To top everything else off the ambiance there created that "I'm in my mother's kitchen" feel and the food was AMAZING!!! I had the shrimp scampi and tasted the gnocchi with eggplant alla caprese. I couldn't get enough. The gnocchi was cooked to perfection (which is impressive because most people don't realize that gnocci is supposed to taste almost overdone). I ended my meal with a coffee and tarami su.

Now let me tell you a few things about my little critical self. I come from a family of amazing women cooks and I come from an area filled with amazing Italian Restaurants. When I became exposed to the Italian in Utah I found myself being very critical and harsh - a tough to please Italian! Now I'm not saying that Cucina Toscuna, Lugano's, The Tin Angle, have bad food, but it's just not "real Italian." I'm looking for exactly what I found at Rino's - an Italian restaurant that makes me feel like home AND has good food! I'm looking forward to going back this summer, sitting on the patio, and trying more items from their menu. The only criticism I can give Rino's is that their sign is Neon - very misleading to what you find inside.

So if you're looking for a new place to check out in Salt Lake, it comes highly recommended from myself - Ms. Cassidy, the one who can't cook Italian to save her life, but sure is good at criticizing other Italians and their cooking style. I must say, my taste buds have been very lucky in my life and because of that, my ass is huge!

Maggio i vostri cuori sono riempiti di gioia ed i vostri tastebuds sono riempiti di amore! Buon Appetito!

And of course, I would not leave any of you without the link:

http://www.rinositalianrestaurant.com/main.php

Returning to the world of blogging....

Hello the big world of Internet, empty space and to all of my friends and family out there. I know that it's been awhile since I've blogged and it's something that I want to do more of in 2011. I think it's a good way to let my friends and family (who are all spread throughout the U.S) see more of what I'm up to in the 'Wild West' as well as a place to share thoughts, ideas, and feelings. I must say blogging in the past has allowed me to realized how bad my spelling is (and I blame this all on the computer doing spell check for me for the past 10 years). I also do not really know how to blog. For example trying to place pictures between paragraphs and create a play list. I also want to learn to make a cool banner. HELP ME!! :)

Recently I moved into an awesome loft style home with my Boyfriend. Before that I was living in an apartment building in Capitol Hill, which I LOVED. I loved the area, the neighborhood, the old houses, and the view of the capitol and The City. I loved being close to work, Memory Grove, and overall being downtown. I would definitely consider myself a 'city girl,' but one thing you have to understand is that Salt Lake City isn't really 'A CITY.' We aren't talking NYC, San Fran, Chicago people. We are talking about a city that is not well diversed and cultured and that is spread out over several blocks. I miss being able to walk around downtown. You know, get a bite to eat at an amazing hole in the wall restaurant, shop till 11 pm, grab a martini and sit on the cobblestone sidewalk people watching, and overall the diversity of people. I will give Utah it's beauty. A desert that snows! The mountains are breathtaking and they are something I appreciate every day. They are truly picturesque. Also, for the most part it's a safe city (however people will steal your kid in a heart beat). You don't get a lot of gang violence and trash that you see in other cities. The gangs here are pretty much "wanna be's." I want to tell them to take a hike to LA or NYC then tell me you're big and bad. Utah is also central to some very cool places. Southern Utah is a site to see, Vegas is a 45 minute flight, 5 hour car ride. Phoenix, AZ is a 1.5 hour flight, San Diego a 1.5 hour flight and San Fran is also a 1.5 hour flight. Needless to say you can take a direct flight from Salt Lake City to Paris (which I have yet to take advantage of but will!) A few things I would do without - the influence of religion over the state. It's a little overboard. And please don't get me wrong, I grew up in a religious surrounding but it wasn't something that was a "do or die" mentality. The religion here pretty much controls EVERYTHING and it feels as though they try to make laws and boundaries for people to follow that is among their beliefs and views. Oddly enough, from living here for the past five years, I've become somewhat desensitized to it. However, I do love that 'breath of fresh air' feeling I get when travel outside of the city and have time to clear my brain and gain some normalcy. Another thing I would take away is the fakeness many of the girls and guys carry around here. The fake boobs, lip injections, and the size 2's running around. Has anyone seen a runway model with big fake boobies and an orange tan? If you have, please tell me where. I am very interested in seeing it. One thing I miss from the east coast is the realness. People are honest, to the point, there are naturally beautiful people, who value education. Very few of the people I know in Utah have a college education whereas all of my friends back east at least have a college degree. Most of my friends have independent careers from their significant others and they are all childless. Much of the mentality is career focused and independence.

Okay so back to the house situation - I moved from Capitol Hill more south, which really isn't that south. I'm still "downtown" but not in the heart of downtown. I mean, I didn't even move into Sugar House area. A few things I LOVE about having a house is the backyard, the wide open space we have to entertain, privacy, having a washer and dryer, and most importantly decorating!!! :) I come from a family of Italians that are amazing cooks and big on entertaining dozens of people. Eventually and hopefully I will follow in their footsteps. I have learned to cook for 4 to 6 people. Anything more than that gives me MAJOR anxiety. I've learned all about crock pots and food processors. Anyways, it's been great and I'm going to share some pictures with everyone and hopefully, maybe, most of you reading this will have the opportunity to enjoy some fine cooking and wine at my place!

This is the sitting room to the left when you first walk in

What you see when you walk in and look to your right

Open kitchen space - great for entertaining b/c you can be a part of the action and not closed off in a separate room:)

Spiral staircase that leads to the upstairs loft

Walking towards the back of the house

Bathroom - ya think!? ;)

Laundry room - exit to the back yard

Computer space located in the back of the house

Upstairs loft #1

Upstairs loft #2

**One thing I am very proud of is that when Bryant and I first moved in together we both sold a lot of our stuff and bought a lot of new stuff together. We did it together, 50/50 - a partnership.

Bedroom with exposed brick wall.

**The only reason why the bed is not fully made is because I took a nap before I took these pictures. I cannot leave my house without making my bed and cleaning up. It brings peace to me to come home to a clean house :)

View from loft # 1

View from loft #2

Right now Bryant and I are renting. One thing I would do if I owned this house is paint the hell out of it! The white walls give the house no depth or character. But hey, what do you do? I'm happy living here and it's one step at a time.