F.A.M.I.L.Y

What is family to you??? Is it that person that who created your flesh and blood? The person who stands next to you "whithin good times AND in bad?" That person that doesn't judge you, and who will pick you up when you're an emotional mess and a complete fuck up???

To me, family is like have a permanent soul mate. The person(s) who understand you when no words are being spoke, who learn to understand your facial expressions, and who feel your pain and happiness at all times. Those are the person(s) who do not judge and who understand that family is thicker than blood. We are those people who will be there for you at the end, to help you up, and help "you "burry that body that's in the back of trunk." They are forgiving, honest, harsh, and mean at times. But at the end of the day, everyones intentions are pure, honest, and loving.

Someone tell me, teach me, how to break the emotional the bond with people who are the key and who are a huge part of your every being...yet they've forgotten love, honestly, and loyelty. Someone please teach me how to to expect and how to let go...

Right now, this is how I feel. I am a crazy woman trying to stay sane. Someone please tell me how you can still love, be passionate and loyal and recieve the same back from others without feeling like you you can barely breathe......

...Ticking...

Standing still..that's what every passing moment, every passing hour, and every passing day feels like. I am going through the motions of what I'm supposed to be doing, of what I'm expected to do, with no real meaning and no real passion behind every false step that I take. For everything that I am doing that is supposed to have meaning, there is falseness behind it. I ask myself what's next, I ask you what's next...and there is a moment of silence. Where one thinks, what is next, what happens from here? I'm trying to live in the moment, enjoying each day, enjoying each moment that passes by me, but find it difficult not to wonder. What about October? What about 2010? How do I live in the moment yet plan for a new adventure and a new chapter to my life? I'm stuck here, standing, lost in my thoughts, and lost in my ideas of what's to be. Everything and everyone is passing by me and the only thing I can focus on is the feeling of the beating of my heart, reminding me that yes, I am alive, and yes, this is your life. Wondering. In a few years from now, will I still be standing? My movements a lie to myself, to my soul? Will I be standing in the same place, listening the beating of my heart, still wondering? I do not want to be reminded that this is my life. Stale and empty.