Toxic people are like a cancer

Stop and think of people that are in your life or associated with your life that are toxic. These are the people that do not care for you enough to express their concerns (whether good or bad) to your face, who love you when they need something, who are sometimes there but mostly not, who you keep holding out for thinking that they will change and live up to the minimal expectations that you have of someone that you care about..but they never do. These people tend to be envious of others (which according the Buddha is one of the cardinal sins:) . They are insecure in some ways) and start projecting their toxicity into your life and causing what I like to say "brain damage." At first these people can be difficult to get rid of. Mainly because they are someone who you truly love. You keep hoping that they will do the right thing, that they will some how realize how much you care and love them, and hope that they will give that back to you in return. This hope causes disappointment(which in my opinion is one of the worst feelings) and eventually you learn the hard way to get this toxic person out of your life. Another reason these type of people are hard to get rid of is because, they just don't F*CKING get it. They will keep finding ways of manipulating themselves back into your life - usually in a passive aggressive manner. They cause anger, hurt, and frustration, which all = DRAMA. Sometimes the only thing you can do to get rid of these people is pop a cap in their ass and show them who's boss ( J/K ...lol well sort of!)

One of the great things about having toxic people in your life is that when you finally grow a backbone and get rid of them, you feel amazing. It's like one of those total body cleanses (You know the ones where you don't eat for several days and instead drink a horrible substance and eventually they say you'll start seeing bugs of some sort in your dung??<-----BTW we can say that toxic people are like these bugs that come out of your dung during one of these cleanses) You re-appreciate the goodness and calmness that your life has the potential of having and you gain a new fondness of people who are pure. Instead of getting "brain damage," you grow and gain insight.

So go ahead people and do a total "life cleanse!" Besides, I heard you can lose at least 5 pounds in the process as well..what's 5 pounds less?? Sometimes a lot......

Costa Rican Make Over

I am headed to Costa Rica this evening to meet up with some of my very bestest friends. And when I say "bestest," I mean "bestest." I will be staying with a friend who I've know since Kindergarten, so a total of at least 24 years (and if we want to get technical we can say even longer then that because our families have known each other since childhood---yes we go wwaaayyy back!). This is a girl that used to share her patent leather Mary Janes with me, has cried over broken hearts with me, danced in the back of a pick up truck jamming out to the Greatful Dead, caused havoc on State Street, and many other memories that are unspeakable and that I hold close to my heart.

For the past 6 months (speaking of havoc) my life has been a whirl wind of sadness, loss, anger, lonliness, and all of those other emotions that come along with losing a parent, a boyfriend, and a bestfriend. I am one of those people who are constantly asking myself "what the hell are you doing and when are you going to get your shit together?" Currently, my home is a mess, my car is a mess, my dog stinks, and the only thing I have in my fridge are left over Chinese and several different types of Vodka to choose from. In the time of madness, I am having fun, enjoying the summer, and am meeting new people. At the end of the day, there is something nice about having a routine, having clean spaces, not feeling bloated from drinking a handle of vodka in 2 days, and feeling rested.

One reason (among the many) I am excited to go to COSTA RICA is to spend time with some people who have known me since by boy hairstyle bowl cut and buck teeth. These are the people that I can cry in front of, rip ass, get crazy with, with no judgement! They are honest, loving, understanding, and bring me back to my senses of that "it's okay Cassidy and we love you no matter what." There is a sense of security which bring peace to my soul.

Another reason I'm excited to go to COSTA RICA is the fact that I won't be accessable via cell phone or internet. Some of you who know me, know that I like to hibernate. I like to disappear for a period of time, change my phone number, and become grounded again. I feel that being away from the emotional rollercoaster and craziness that's been going on in my life, that I will have a moment of peace and a chance to look at myself from the outside in.

Another reason I am excited to go to COSTA RICA is for the adventure. I can't sit in one spot for too long and love experiencing new things, people, and culture. And who better to share that with then my bestie? I'm looking forward to the beach everyday, the rainfall, the monkies that throw shit at you, the pool off the balcony or our amazing rooms, girl talk, scoping out "brown men," food, Vodka (of course) and just taking it all in! Plus just after watching The Hills on Tuesday and seeing what a beautiful, sexy, place Costa Rica is (and totally crushing over Brody Jenner...yes I know...but I am NOT ashamed to say that not only do I watch The Hills but that I would love to have romp in the sack with him)how could I not go to this beautiful country and enjoy every single bit of it!?

I'm bouncing in my shoes waiting for the time when I head to the airport, have a few brewha's at the airport, and touch down in a different country, where I may as well be invisible for the next week!

How to keep on steppin with a broken heart...

There is something refreshing about going through a break - up. One being it gives you a little reality check that you need to get in touch with you inner self again, and that, is good for all of us from time to time. This time of heart ache is a time to reconnect with friends that got lost in the shuffle, to show yourself that you are stronger than you think, and to learn how to love just yourself again. It's a time when we feel sad, angry, and happy, all within a short time of each other. A time when we search for bliss in other things and people. It's a good reminder that at the end of the day, for most of us, YOU are all you have.

Don't get me wrong, there are times (esp. now that 30 is quickly creeping up on me)when watching a movie at home is better with someone there, and when it's nice to roll over in the morning and find company (however one night stands can be good for this too :) ), to be able to call your best/friend lover and tell them everything and probably some of the stupidest things, and knowing that you have someone to hold your hand as you both step through the minutes of future together.

I've never been able to walk away from someone or lose someone that I have truely cared for and had feelings of hate. No matter how things end, I always hold people that i have loved/love in my heart for different reasons. I strongly believe that different people come into your life for a reason and that sometimes we are given pain to show us something that we were missing.

STEPS TO GETTING OVER A BREAK UP:
VODKA
RETAIL THERAPY
VODKA
GOOD LAUGHS WITH BEAVER FRIENDS
VOKDA

5 Steps To.....

1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect Less

F.A.M.I.L.Y

What is family to you??? Is it that person that who created your flesh and blood? The person who stands next to you "whithin good times AND in bad?" That person that doesn't judge you, and who will pick you up when you're an emotional mess and a complete fuck up???

To me, family is like have a permanent soul mate. The person(s) who understand you when no words are being spoke, who learn to understand your facial expressions, and who feel your pain and happiness at all times. Those are the person(s) who do not judge and who understand that family is thicker than blood. We are those people who will be there for you at the end, to help you up, and help "you "burry that body that's in the back of trunk." They are forgiving, honest, harsh, and mean at times. But at the end of the day, everyones intentions are pure, honest, and loving.

Someone tell me, teach me, how to break the emotional the bond with people who are the key and who are a huge part of your every being...yet they've forgotten love, honestly, and loyelty. Someone please teach me how to to expect and how to let go...

Right now, this is how I feel. I am a crazy woman trying to stay sane. Someone please tell me how you can still love, be passionate and loyal and recieve the same back from others without feeling like you you can barely breathe......